Analyzing things

Never the need to think, but some time there must be a time to think every thing thru, just last night I had a weird dream. I dreamt that I started back on Ice (Chrystal Meth)
It was wearied, because Joy was in the same room as me, and she was sleeping. And as I pulled my bottle and pipe out and then I got my stash of ice, I stared at it for awhile, like as thou I was thinking of not doing it, of not taking the ice and placing it in the tube and smoking it, dam it…. It’s been so ling since I have smoked ice but why do I dream of it now? Why? What the fuck is going on in my head, I just can’t think about what’s going on in my head, do I feel like I want to loose my self, but I don’t want to loose Joy, my love my sweet, I know if I do smoke it then I will loose her. But in the dream I did open the pack and just stare at it and I was thinking of just one puff, just one…. It can’t hurt…. Then in my dream joy woke up, and just sat there and asked me what am I doing, then I just replied her and said, oh nothing baby, go back to sleep, and as she lye there I just stared at the temptation, thinking about it and just staring at it as thou it was some kind of message that I needed to decipher and figure out, and I was just saying the other day about not remembering my dreams…. But this one was so real; I could actually taste the Chrystal…. As thou it was really happening, but at the same time I was afraid of something of loosing every thing I hole dear.