Sometimes i feel that i have done nothing wrong, and i have to pay for it. Your mood changes like the tide, suddenly you are all loving and sweet, then next your biting my head off for something i don't even know that i did wrong....

Anger

ever since my breakup, I've been going out on a few dates, and all the girls that i have gone out with are so materialistic, which make me feel even more depress about the dating world, i need to find my self again, and to make my self feel happier and not depend on any one, I'de realise that ever since i started my new job i've been a littel happier cause i've been able to go out execersiing may be i should do more exercising an and we will see then how i feel. maybe i should hit the gym more than twice a week. Hmmm.. someting to think about...

Bad Dreams

every night i go to sleep i have these bad dreams about our break up. in my dream its as though we're still together, and i wake up in my dream telling you that i dreamed that we broke up, and you were there to comfort me and hold me in your arms saying that you'll never leave me, then it all comes smashing back to reality when i wake up and realize that the dream was fake and that reality is such a disappointment where you should never expect anything from any one, in that way you will never get hurt,

Happy 2011

Its the beginning of a new year and i still feel the same as i did before i have lost the drive to live my life, its all gone to hell from the moment she left me, why can't i get over her yet, god please answer my prayers and take me back to the time when i had hope and wanted to live this life well, if not please i pray for you to end my life and save me from this suffering as i am with out JOY and every reminds me of her, from the movies i watch to the sings i hear on the radio. i have lost all my will to live this life you have given me, when there is no more will in a mans soul there is no more hope in his life. i thought i could live in this life but it just turns out that i cant bare the thought of feeling alone anymore. god if your listening please save me as i don't know who else to turn to.

Dreams

I had a dream of her last night, and in that dream i was feeling happy. But what does this mean....i do miss her a lot but also i miss the times we spend together, which also makes me angry because if you love some one you should stick with them when they are going through a hard time. Quiting drugs is a hard time... i wonder did she ever love me? i some times wish i died 3 years ago, its what HOUSE said "dying is easy living is hard"

The Dark Passenger

From far seen thoughts in broken eyes,
will ever for seen the truth of your sacking hand lying still in wishes of lost days.
if your world is not my playing field
the agony urge will never sees,
will never,
can never,
will it ever?
on darken days as shining can not rip my faith,
but tangles my belief in what is true and if it is real,
or just a lesson learned long years
and by flashes of lost light forgotten.
the signing silver on red lace my only comforter,
darkens my only friend,
and fear that will never have any of my disbelief of what i am or what i want.
will it take?
and if taken is done
who shall for fill or replace?
or place that what cannot be filled or replaced.
broken life's of hard shape ends
never willing to do or change or feel of watt is to be said
but cannot be revealed.
i am and there for i do and no quick stroke or the slit of the tongue will that change that
as all out fiats are in destanys book written'
which was not even written by her self.
from earth to life that leaves a foul taste in blocked out mouths,
is this truly a belong that we urge?
or a soothing shine of that what floes from my veins to relief me
from thees dreams that will never have
and o so deserving.
if this is then a metamorphose of what is
or would have begone or have never provoked,
leave then with darken eyes,
a closed window to the tongue that has never spoken
then i and my 3 unnamed friends
will dwell for ever
with out revelling
but always in comfort
in Trinity of
what
is
me

Deep Depression

I am in a spiral of deep depression and can hardly find any remedy for it. My Lost love has moved on with her life, and i feel alone in this world with no connections what so ever. I feel alone no matter what i do, and no matter what i try i cant seam to get out of this deep spiral i am in, nothing makes me happy, have i forgotten the feeling of happiness, GOD PLEASE HELP ME!!!.

I don't want to feel this way anymore, i have given up drugs, yet i still feel depressed, i feel rejected from the world and i am cursed to walk this earth alone in pain for the rest of my days, i had my JOY. And she left me , for the crimes i have committed i am sorry. Oh god hear my prayers please give me a sign on how to fix my life, i want to be happy, i want to care about things in my life again. I have lost the will to care about anything. Any achievement i recently accomplish didn't even spark any excitement or a bit of happiness in me, am i dead in side?

What should i do, somebody save me please. i am in need of a savior. i need some one
to make things matter to me again. I cant sleep at night, i want to feel alive again like i once did when i fell in love. i want to feel love again. Oh GOD, SEND ME A SIGN!!!!!! I am at my wits end.

I told her i will love her forever, no more faith i have in love. It hurts to much for me to bare, the feeling of a lost love is more than i can bare. I have lost so much in my life. i feel so numb.

Happiness, the word is foreign to the tung now, like a whisper of a unicorn almost no sight of happiness in reach or even heard of, like a myth.

I Pray that my one true love will forgive me for my past short comings, and my one and only sister will forgive me for not being there for her. I am loosing hope in living this life.