Fighting With Your Spouse Can Make You Live Longer - Study

NEW YORK (Reuters Life!) - Fighting with your spouse can actually be good for your health with people who bottle it all up found to die earlier, a new study shows.

Researchers at the University of Michigan School of Public Health and its Psychology Department released preliminary findings after 17 years of following 192 couples.

The couples fell into four categories: where both partners expressed anger when they felt unfairly attacked, where neither partner expressed their anger, and one category each for where the wife suppressed her feelings and where the husband did so.

"I would say that if you don't express your feelings to your partner and tell them what the problem is when you're unfairly attacked, then you're in trouble," said Ernest Harburg, lead author of the study, in an interview.

The study found that those who kept their anger in were twice as likely to die earlier than those who don't.

There were 13 deaths in the group of 26 pairs where both partners suppressed their emotions, as opposed to only 41 deaths in the remaining 166 pairs.

"When couples get together, one of their main jobs is reconciliation about conflict," Harburg said.
"Usually nobody is trained to do this. If they have good parents, they can imitate, that's fine, but usually the couple is ignorant about the process of resolving conflict."

Harburg said resentment was the real threat -- and suppressing anger led to resentment.
He said it is the resentment that interacts with any medical vulnerabilities a person might have, increasing their chances of succumbing to that medical problem.

"It's healthy to recognize that you're being attacked unfairly and it's even more healthy to speak up and to talk about it and try to resolve the problem if you want to live longer," said Harburg.

Bored Baby...

Having Mature Relatioship

One of the most important keys to having a mature, loving relationship is to recognize the importance of practicing the art of loving every day. If you are not prepared to do this daily work, you will never experience mature love. Relationships either rise or fall-- they do not stand still. If you are not putting in the effort, you are neglecting your partner and contributing to the eventual demise of the relationship. Practicing the art of loving, each day, insures that your relationship will rise. Loving relationships are built. They do not happen by chance. It's the little things that you do (taking a few seconds or a few minutes each day) that will make the difference in your relationship. It's taking the time to share a moment with one another before you go to work, instead of rushing out of the house. It's a phone call at some point during the day to talk to one another. When you arrive home, it's sharing the day's events with each other, instead of opening the mail or collapsing on the couch with the remote control. It's preparing dinner together, doing the dishes, sitting and having a cup of tea or coffee or maybe a glass of wine. It's touching and being physically close while lying on the couch, or holding one another while watching television or listening to music. It's being able to give your full attention to your partner, making eye contact and really listening when he or she is talking. It's validating what your partner says and feels, by providing genuine empathy and understanding. It's noticing and expressing appreciation for the little things your partner does for you. It's letting your loved one know how important he or she is to you, and how much you appreciate his or her presence in your life. It's being spontaneous and expressing your feelings to one another. It's consciously being aware of (and avoiding doing) the little things that annoy your partner: such as leaving the toilet seat up, squeezing the toothpaste the wrong way, leaving makeup all over the bathroom counter, leaving dirty clothes all over the floor… I think you know what I'm talking about. Expressing your love does not have to be expensive. Spontaneously giving one rose has the same thought behind it as giving a dozen. Little surprises-- gifts, notes, and greeting cards-- make your partner feel valued and loved by you. A new car, a new house, a Caribbean holiday, expensive jewelry, a fur coat, an expensive night on the town… these are all wonderful, but when it comes right down to it, it's the little things, that we do daily, that are most important. The little things are what build loving relationships and allow us to experience mature love. You have got to take responsibility and make the time to give love to one another every day. By making your partner a priority in your life, and remembering to do the little things that make your loved one feel cared for and appreciated, you will be on your way to realizing life's most wonderful experience: that of rising in love with one another. Coretta Scott King, widow of slain civil rights leader Martin Luther King, Jr., recently said that if she had to pinpoint the most important message she has learned in her life, "it would be that love is the most powerful healing force on earth, and it is available to us all. If we can learn how to love one another, there is nothing we can't do." So we can rise above, and rise in love, when we practice the art of loving with our partner on a daily basis.

A Lovers Quote

This is something i read and though, that we are missing the simple joys in life. How we have lost our self in this rat race world. have a read my Love and tell me what you think about it, that is if you read this anytime soon.


Ah, the "Simple Joys": "Sweet summer evenings, sapphire skies / feasting your belly… feasting your eyes." I recently experienced a more-or-less perfect day: a day filled with simple joys, the pleasures of all the senses. My partner and I went for brunch at a restaurant overlooking a marina. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, and the view was spectacular. My French toast arrived with pieces of caramelized banana, slices of mango, a tiny ceramic pot of maple syrup, and decorative mini parasols; I admired the beautiful presentation - then savored every bite. Later in the day, my partner and I went for a walk along the beach of our aptly named "beautiful by nature" island home. As we walked, I was listening to the sound of the waves and feeling the breeze on my face. We stopped to sit and watch the sunset, sharing a beach chair. I felt held and loved, as my partner sat behind me with his arms and legs wrapped around me. As we began to walk back, and as the sky grew darker, I watched the reflections of light on the clouds: the changing colors of pink, red, and purple gave the impression that God, or some heavenly artist, was painting the sky. Continuing our journey back toward our car, we came upon a beachfront hotel, beautifully lit, with tables on a deck overlooking the ocean. We stopped there and had a lovely dinner. On the drive home, I was thinking about how grateful I felt to have a loving partner, to live in a place of natural beauty, and to have been blessed with this day. Nothing "big" happened -- yet it was a really amazing day for me, because I've learned to appreciate the little things that life has to offer.
Do you take time to appreciate the simple joys in life? Do you smile at the sun or sing in the rain? Do you feel the high of being on top of a mountain or feel the warmth of the sand beneath your feet at the beach? Do you stop to smell fruit on a tree or flowers on a bush? Do you take time to coo at an infant, or to watch puppies or kittens at play? Do you savor the foods you eat? Do you really listen to, and enjoy, the music you hear? Are you thankful for the air you breathe and the life you have been given? Most of all, do you ever take time to marvel in the mere-yet-profound fact that, of all the infinite possibilities in the Universe, God/The Creator (or whatever you wish to call the Ultimate Source) chose to create you?
Many of us, especially in Western Culture, fail to notice the little things that make life so sweet. We get caught up in the pursuit of what the song terms, "wealth and health, and name and fame, and all of that noise." In a culture that promotes the idea that "bigger is better," it is so easy to forget to take time to appreciate the simple joys, the little gifts that life gives to us each and every day. Simple joys are around us every moment: all we need to do is be aware of them. Dan Millman, author of Way of the Peaceful Warrior, shared a great insight: "There are no ordinary moments." No moment, nothing in life, should be taken for granted. In developing gratitude for the simple joys, the little things in life, we come to truly enjoy and appreciate life - and then we are able to see the magic that surrounds us every moment.
It is not the circumstances surrounding you, but your attitude, that is the key to freeing yourself and allowing joy into your daily life. To illustrate this, let me use the example of an Easter basket, to show how one's attitude may affect one's experience… It was the first Easter Sunday of the millennium -- also, my first Easter on Providenciales in the Turks & Caicos Islands, and the first since I began my current relationship. After my morning meditation, I came out to the kitchen. My partner had just returned from having coffee with a friend. A basket had mysteriously appeared on the kitchen counter; its contents included a Tobler Chocolate Orange, Lindt Lindor Truffles, Ferrero Rochers, and a note to me from the Easter Bunny. I was amazed. This was a very observant Easter Bunny! These were the exact brands and flavors of all the chocolates I had been eyeing, but not buying, over the past several months. I knew that my partner had clued the Easter Bunny in on what to buy for me, but I couldn't figure out how he knew, either, since I had not actually purchased any chocolate since the beginning of our relationship. I was touched by his awareness and his thoughtfulness; I felt really loved and cared for.
Now let's see how another individual might react to this gift. Suppose I could give this experience to someone else: someone who had not cultivated an "attitude of gratitude," someone non-appreciative of the simple joys. Suppose this Easter basket arrived in the home of another woman -- one who was caught up in the pursuit of the things that the "sorrowful lad" in our song possessed: wealth, name, fame, and "all of that noise." How might she react to receiving this basket? Would she feel a sense of gratitude? No! She probably would feel horribly upset - maybe even really pissed off! Instead of appreciating what did show up, she would be focused on something she felt was missing. She would be wondering what was wrong: Why had her partner failed to get her a new diamond ring, a Cartier watch, a fur coat, or tickets for a cruise around the world? She would look at her partner with disdain, feeling enraged that he had the nerve to just buy her chocolates. She would get into a foul mood that would probably prevent her from enjoying the rest of the day.
This woman would completely miss the best part of it all... For the sweetest thing about my Easter basket was not the chocolate inside (even given the fact that my favorite brands were there). The sweetest part was the realization it brought to me: that someone really paid attention over time, noticed the little things that bring me pleasure, and cared enough to give me something that would say, between the lines, "You are special to me." That Easter basket probably said more to me than a diamond ring or a Cartier watch would say to the woman in this example. Not that I, personally, would begrudge a more "glamorous" gift: learning to appreciate the little things certainly does not prevent you from appreciating the "big things," as well. However, I think it would feel empty, to me, if I received something glamorous from someone who donned me with large gifts on special occasions, but expressed little or no caring, on a day-to-day basis, the rest of the year. As I said before, attitude is the key. Coming to feel a sense of gratitude for the simple joys of life will affect you, in a positive way, on a daily basis. Remember the words of wisdom from Dan Millman: "There are no ordinary moments." If you learn to notice and appreciate the "little things," every moment can begin to feel extraordinary and magical. If you cultivate an attitude of gratitude, you will start to experience so much more joy in your everyday life. If you are in a relationship, you will have a much greater chance of feeling fulfilled: you are more likely to create intimacy by paying attention to the little things that please your partner, and you are more likely to notice and appreciate the little things your partner does to please you. In life in general, you will begin to feel more free, more happy, and more at peace. As the song says, without simple joys, life can seem "purposeless and flat." Aren't you glad that you don't need to feel like that?

Nothing In This World Can Stop Us Tonight

I am in such a good mood after last night's pool. :)

Sweetie, its 8 months not 7 lah....

Also, it is soooooooooooooooooooo sweet of you to put that up. Though your drawing is a little sucky but I still love it! I'm so touched love...

MU MU MU !!!

Happy 2 Years & 7 Months

I love you baby dearest for all the love you have shown me these past 2 years are the happiest 2 years of my life, thanks to you.

Happy Monthversary !

Hey Sweetie,

Happy 2 years and 8 months!

I can't believe how long its been..

Happy

This is the face of my love.


Happy i am, with the way things are going. Happy with the love i share with you in this life, happy with they way you love me almost unconditionally, happy with you pro and cons , happy with your drive to go forward in life with me. Baby i am so happy with you and love you for all your faults, I love you no matter what. Forever i will love you my dearest.