Trust issues

Honey, I love you. I really do and would love spending my life with you. You complete me in every way possible and you make me very happy.

But I don't know how I am to deal with your trust issues. What do you have me do??? I can't devote my life to you, its not me and you know that's not fair. I don't know how you want me to help you when I'm already trying the best I can to be good to you and help you to trust me.

It hurts to think that after all these years you still can't find it in yourself to believe me.

I already told you that you WILL NOT LOSE ME and I WILL NOT BETRAY YOU. I don't know how else to show it to you!! It's bloody frustrating trying to deal with you and your emotional problems that it tires me so and puts a strain on our relationship. You are making it VERY VERY HARD for me to be with you.

You know suicide is not the answer. If you died, I don't know what I'd do without you. You KNOW I LOVE YOU. Thinking about losing you brings tears to my eyes - like right now. You will be sorely missed.

I want you to think about this - think about US. If you can't find it in your heart to trust me and solve these feelings that you have - I think its best that we part ways because I do not want to be in a relationship where I am constantly doubted and not trusted.

Don't be with me if you feel this way. It's not fair to me. It's not fair to US. I love you with all my heart and knowing that you feel this way HURTS ME so.

Feeling The diffrence

The fear of loosing you and of being betrayed by you scares me and makes me shut down emotionally hoping if i shut all my feelings out i cant get hurt and i wont have to bare the pain of loosing a loved one. I've contemplated suicides many times these past few months. Thinking when i am gone i will finally be at peace, and you and the ones i cherish the most will not miss my presence. It scares me to think that i will not be remembered and that you did me wrong and thought of just hiding it hoping i wont find out. There is a war raging in side me i don't know who will win.


I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight
And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I've done
No I can’t How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Why the insecurities?

Why honey?

I thought everything was going well with us.

Why always the fear of losing me?

You need to believe.

It is after all a leap of faith.