Dearest,
There are times when we do express our opinion and there are times when we don't. I find our communication at times to be dysfunctional. It isn't perfect and I feel like we are reading too much into it. I do not wish for things to be this complicated knowing that we aren't married yet. I find our relationship becoming more and more complicated. Everything is conspicuously scrutinized. Every feeling, every action, every intention, every response.
There are times when I share with you and there are times when I don't. I have my reasons for being private. It is just part of who I am. There will
always be something about me that you didn't know, something about me that has change. It has nothing to do with the fact that I do not wish for you to be apart of my life. You already are and you are there to witness first hand. I know you except me for who I really am but who I am also includes the way I deal with things. There are times when I try explaining but I know you will never get it because you don't think like me. Ever thought that we are never meant to understand each other 100%? I have given up trying to get you to see things my way because I have accepted that we are different. We are two different people with two different tracked minds.
Everything right now to me is fuzzy. I wish to have more clarity in my life and I can only achieve that if I try and get my life back in order. I have slacked for the past year and am desperately trying to hold on to what I have left of my life. This has in no way anything to do with you. Please do not misunderstand my dear. It was never in my intention to hurt you if I ever did.
How I was when we first got together and how I am now has changed. I realized that I have changed. My views on life as changed as well. Perhaps its time for you to meet me for who I am now. Things were different in the past because I still naive, still little, still didn't know what I wanted out of life. I realized that companionship is only a tiny slice of the cake that I look forward in having.
There is so much more to life for me right now. I find myself spreading my wings and flying. You can join me in my search and embrace the person I am now or you can stay back and hold on to the memories of me in your past.
You are your own person and you should ALWAYS be proud of yourself. Make good with yourself and you will make good with the world. The reason why I am suggesting that we take a break lately is because I find that we have both lost ourselves in this relationship. You might not realize it but I do. Taking a break doesn't have to be a bad thing and it doesn't imply that I don't love you anymore. Why are you so afraid of letting me go? I can't promise you that I won't leave but you have to take a leap of faith and plunge into the unknown. A break might do us both some good. I'm sorry but this is how I feel about things between us lately. I need to take control of my life and you need to find your path in life. You are like a lost little lamb with me as your guide. I really think in the opinion of a third party that it shouldn't be the way at all! You should be your own man and prove to the world that you don't need me for anything else but love and companionship and you will be enlightened.
Why do you feel intimidated by the success of my family? It shouldn't even affect you in the first place! It doesn't matter where I come from. There are no prior expectations of you and there will never be. So long as you treat me well, care for me and love me is all you need to do. If you think that I should be with someone that lives up to my caliber or status then you are sadly mistaken. I will say you are my equal should I see fit. But if you still think that way then why don't you do something about it!?!?! More things can be achieved if you are on your own. You don't realize this but having a relationship while trying to improve yourself can be very taxing.
This is for our good.
I am trying to think rationally here and not let emotions or preconceptions cloud my judgment.
I really think I weigh you down. You don't feel it but I do.
I'm sorry but my life doesn't revolve around you. I'm sorry for implying that back then. Back then I was so desperate for a partner that I clinged on to you without realizing the consequences of my actions. For that, I am truly sorry.
Perhaps we should re-evaluate our relationship. Update the status quo.
But I do feel that a change is in order. It's time.
